Photo Essay: Durga Puja
Getting Started
First tinge of Saffron.. the 'bengal school of art' diety.
Spare her the rains.... the godesses' umbrella!
Finally... Ma Durga comes home.
Kash phule, akashe batashe! (Kash trees, an advent of autum, clear skies and Durga puja)
Getting ready.... aalpona .. especially the young ones!
Durga Pandal.... the Goddess and her family!
Sandhya aarti at Ashtumipuja.
Kumar Puja at Belur Math.. mortal incarnatioin of the Goddess
Kumai devi .... and the Godddess
Daki... Puja will never be complete without them...
The vermillion boxes... before Sindur Khela
Sindur Khela starts (Playing vermillion with Goddess Durga, the ultimate sati)
Sindur Khela
I has to end finally ... Bisharjan
Jai Ma Durga, Durgesh Nandini...
Aasche bochor aabar hobe (It will happen again next year)
Dhunuchi nach... celebrate. Devei durga is gone, long live devi Durga
Write Up: Driving crazy!!!!
A small anecdote on human perseverence.! Right Smriti?? Love u babe!! :-). Seriously. Ur entire 'driving tests' gave me so much fodder for laughter and made otherwise dull life so rangeen!!
1st test - The damn cars just too slow for me!! (What did they train u in - Ferari??)
2nd test - Shit!!! The signal plotted against me!! Suddenly went red! Just missed it! Stupid signal!! Stupid RTA! Stupid Dubai! ... (Hell why leave Shaikh Mo out too??)
3rd test - I have put on shades. Need to look more serious!! (Right!! As if that will help! ..... It dint by the way. Failed again.Hehe)
4th Test - I have taken off my shades!! The instructor could not see my eye movement! (Thanks babe, no one said in the first place that this is a fashion show!!)
5th Test - Chums!!! Got a leg cramps! U know why!!!! Damn date! (Point Noted. Just a question - was the intructor having it too?. Anyways, lets move on...)
6th Test - The instructor is a lebo! She made a pass at me. (But she dint 'pass' u right??)
7th test - (With 7 grands sunk and very lil confodence left!!) I am late. No shades. No lipstick. Bundle of nerves. I will defo fail.... starts crying. (Guess what .... she passed that day! Amen)
1st test - The damn cars just too slow for me!! (What did they train u in - Ferari??)
2nd test - Shit!!! The signal plotted against me!! Suddenly went red! Just missed it! Stupid signal!! Stupid RTA! Stupid Dubai! ... (Hell why leave Shaikh Mo out too??)
3rd test - I have put on shades. Need to look more serious!! (Right!! As if that will help! ..... It dint by the way. Failed again.Hehe)
4th Test - I have taken off my shades!! The instructor could not see my eye movement! (Thanks babe, no one said in the first place that this is a fashion show!!)
5th Test - Chums!!! Got a leg cramps! U know why!!!! Damn date! (Point Noted. Just a question - was the intructor having it too?. Anyways, lets move on...)
6th Test - The instructor is a lebo! She made a pass at me. (But she dint 'pass' u right??)
7th test - (With 7 grands sunk and very lil confodence left!!) I am late. No shades. No lipstick. Bundle of nerves. I will defo fail.... starts crying. (Guess what .... she passed that day! Amen)
Write Up: WOMENTALK
Yes, women talk. They loooovvvee talking!! Thru centuries, across ages! Thru situations, across expressions. Happnes to me too ... in fact some of the so called memorable talks in my life have been with women!! Conversations that have influenced me deeply and changed the course of my life.
Talk. Thats what ma did after the day dad's business was officially declared bankrupt!! In as few words as possible, she told me that she was depending on me and that I better prove her good. That pep talk will always influence my professional philosophy - work hard, work honest, give ur best, keep a bit of a distance, and most importantly, dont bother of the result. You climb, and let the kudos try and catch up with u. No wonder I dont have to look for an alternate superwoman in my life.
IC. She talked me into falling in love with her. Hell, she even talked me out too. Hehe. But love, feelings , music.. man that woman talked soo bloody much into my life. Sweetheart, wherever u r, keep those decibels going!!
Brishti. Actually, for her, she couldn't talk. A 2 day old baby cant. But whatever noises that 2 day old kid made me fall completely head over heels for her. A love story for life. An uncle became a dad!! Beat that.
Naani (or Didu, as we foldly say in Bengali), for talking nanaji out from thrashing me up everytime my cricket ball would raze his prized bonsai collection or because he could not concentrate on the puja or even worse, at night when the poor 70 year wud sleep, I would put snuff in his nose just to see the hapless man almost choke to dealth! Sorry Nanaji, wherever u r. Naniji, u am sure r in heaven. Thanks a lot for those talk sessions. For that and for probably being the only person who showed partiality on me over other siblings.
My bilogy teacher. Mrs Clifton. My first crush. For talking to a adoloscent confused teen and seeting things right. For introducing me to men's magazine and pornography (lateral bilogy lessons, she used to say!!). For all those long treks with she and her family. Somewhere, for shaping and moulding my life's philosophy. So much so that even now, whan am confused, its reason enuf why a particular Nainital number is always top of mind!!
If IC 'talked' me in to falling out with love, Sonia's voice made me fall headlong in love all over again. So what if it was an one way street. Even, her nasal drawl on the radio selling Mc Donalds Mc Crispy sticks also sounded so sweet. For that and for making me realize the power of love again .... Thanks!
And finally, Anubha, who taught me everything about research. Every morning will start with those evergreen words leaving her mouth.. "Saala duffer, u dont know anything!!". Thaank God I dint know. Because then, she taught me everything.
Women. They talk. Some men say women talk unnecessary. But what do men know?? Women talk of feelings and emotions, they do not hide behind their egos and false pretense like men! Their talk may simplify or confuse things, but their talk at least makes life interesting.
And what is life without that garnishing??. Then it will be all plain vanilla. I dont have to look far, just deep dive into myself and the result in obvious.
To talking and to women hood! Amen.
On second thoughts, not really. A Women!!
Talk. Thats what ma did after the day dad's business was officially declared bankrupt!! In as few words as possible, she told me that she was depending on me and that I better prove her good. That pep talk will always influence my professional philosophy - work hard, work honest, give ur best, keep a bit of a distance, and most importantly, dont bother of the result. You climb, and let the kudos try and catch up with u. No wonder I dont have to look for an alternate superwoman in my life.
IC. She talked me into falling in love with her. Hell, she even talked me out too. Hehe. But love, feelings , music.. man that woman talked soo bloody much into my life. Sweetheart, wherever u r, keep those decibels going!!
Brishti. Actually, for her, she couldn't talk. A 2 day old baby cant. But whatever noises that 2 day old kid made me fall completely head over heels for her. A love story for life. An uncle became a dad!! Beat that.
Naani (or Didu, as we foldly say in Bengali), for talking nanaji out from thrashing me up everytime my cricket ball would raze his prized bonsai collection or because he could not concentrate on the puja or even worse, at night when the poor 70 year wud sleep, I would put snuff in his nose just to see the hapless man almost choke to dealth! Sorry Nanaji, wherever u r. Naniji, u am sure r in heaven. Thanks a lot for those talk sessions. For that and for probably being the only person who showed partiality on me over other siblings.
My bilogy teacher. Mrs Clifton. My first crush. For talking to a adoloscent confused teen and seeting things right. For introducing me to men's magazine and pornography (lateral bilogy lessons, she used to say!!). For all those long treks with she and her family. Somewhere, for shaping and moulding my life's philosophy. So much so that even now, whan am confused, its reason enuf why a particular Nainital number is always top of mind!!
If IC 'talked' me in to falling out with love, Sonia's voice made me fall headlong in love all over again. So what if it was an one way street. Even, her nasal drawl on the radio selling Mc Donalds Mc Crispy sticks also sounded so sweet. For that and for making me realize the power of love again .... Thanks!
And finally, Anubha, who taught me everything about research. Every morning will start with those evergreen words leaving her mouth.. "Saala duffer, u dont know anything!!". Thaank God I dint know. Because then, she taught me everything.
Women. They talk. Some men say women talk unnecessary. But what do men know?? Women talk of feelings and emotions, they do not hide behind their egos and false pretense like men! Their talk may simplify or confuse things, but their talk at least makes life interesting.
And what is life without that garnishing??. Then it will be all plain vanilla. I dont have to look far, just deep dive into myself and the result in obvious.
To talking and to women hood! Amen.
On second thoughts, not really. A Women!!
Photo Essay: Whozzzz that girl????????
Only one woman to match him!
Reminds me of someone.. same posture, grace and style! (No, am not being sarky!!) . And same curves!!
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C'mom, hazard a guess? Who could it be??
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Ok... heres a clue! Apart from the physical proximities, both are aligned mentally! Complete nuts! (eg turcoat vegetareans). Aaya samajhme?
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One is a head turner in Hollywood Boulevard! The other in Media City Dubai...
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Sizzlin hot! Babe supreme.. the one and only (Mrs) Singh!
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What a combo, na? :-)
Reminds me of someone.. same posture, grace and style! (No, am not being sarky!!) . And same curves!!
.
.
.
.
.
C'mom, hazard a guess? Who could it be??
.
.
Ok... heres a clue! Apart from the physical proximities, both are aligned mentally! Complete nuts! (eg turcoat vegetareans). Aaya samajhme?
.
.
One is a head turner in Hollywood Boulevard! The other in Media City Dubai...
.
.
Sizzlin hot! Babe supreme.. the one and only (Mrs) Singh!
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.
.
.
What a combo, na? :-)
Write Up- THE BONG IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE BONG
"What the horns is to a buffalo ..deceit is to the Bengali. Large promises, smooth excuses, elaborate tissues of circumstantial falsehood, chicanery, perjury, forgery, are the weapons, offensive and defensive of the people of the Lower Ganges." said Macaulay about my brethren.
That, this and Bee's description of the Tambrahms forced me to write this. It has taken me over a month, and would be grateful if you let me know what I must have missed out.
Overview
There are two kinds of Bengalis that I know. Probashi or Expatriate Bangalees, a fairly large and diverse group about which I can't write as I am one of them. And Bengalees who are from Kolkata. This group is incorrectly known as Bongs, as they are merely a subset. However, this is the only group which matters. Gokhale told of them, long years back, "What Bengal thinks today, India thinks tomorrow." To which Rene Descartes responded, "I think (today), therefore I am (Bengali)." Like all other Nobel Prize Winners, Oscar Awardees and most successful Indian cricket captains, Rene Descartes was also a Bong (this fact is not known outside of Kolkata).
Physical Description
The Bong has a large head, glasses, glistening hair and dark skin. Older Bongs develop an ample stomach to balance their large heads. This happens by the age of 25. They smell of Keo Karpin. The average life expectancy is 65 years. What is even more impressive is what they do in those years. Outside Kolkata, regardless of weather, sex or age, Bongs can be seen in Monkey Caps. This is a must-have accessory as well as a sign to recognise other Bongs. (please see second update for more).
The Bongling can often be recognised in either over-sized or under-sized school uniforms. The Bong mother's second biggest fear (See diet for the biggest one) is that the "porer bochor o lomba hoye gele abar notun skirt kinte hobe!!" or "Next year, if you grow taller, we'll again have to buy a new skirt!!" Thus, the school uniform is selected to last at least three years. Thus the uniform sits as conspicuously on the Bongling as the plumage of a macaw.
Early Years
While most Bongs are born with innate talents in singing, dancing, painting, film-making, cooking or embroidery, their creative talents are honed even before they can start speaking. Frequent meets are organised between infants and their successful ancestors and other relatives. MA degrees (preferably from Cambridge, at least from Presidency or Jadobpoor) are displayed over the cots. The infant is exposed to the best of Bengali thought - Marx, Bentham, Kalidas, Tolstoy, Chekov*. This increases the sizes of their heads and the height of their ambitions. Similar examples, though rare, can be found in European tradition as well, like in the case of Mozart. In India, however, Bongs have the sole preserve on such activity during infancy.
Soon, when they grow up a little, their characters are honed in the best of schools. Here, I am not referring to the South Points, La Marts, Don Boscos and all. They are important in the nurture a Bong child goes through. What is even more important are the schools the Bong child passes through before school and after school. Many a Bong child wakes up at five o'clock in the morning to attend swimming classes. After one hour of swimming, he attends tennis coaching before rushing off to one of the South Points, La Marts etc. mentioned above. School finishes by two or so, from where he scoots along to Singing/ Instrumental Music/ Dance Classes, then tuition (for at least three of all five subjects). He rounds off the day with coaching on either Debating or Quiz. Many a Bong mother will carry the child along through this day, feeling equally energised. This behaviour is again not restricted to Bongs. It also seen within kangaroos in Australia who rush along from one clump to another bush.
Growing up
Soon the Bong attains adolescence, doesn't find friends of his age (since everyone is competing for the Nobel Prize or the Indian captaincy) and finds intimacy in conversation in his/her parents and poems of T.S. Eliot and Pablo Neruda.
When school ends, they move on to the good colleges- Presidency, Xavier's or IIT Kharagpur. The best of them, though, move straight to Joo (Jadobpoor). However, in recent years, Dilli (Stephen's obviously) is becoming the preferred destination for some escapists. In colleges, they decorate their rooms with books or portraits of Robi Guru (Tagore). On the opposite wall, men would have posters of Che/ Maradona and women would have Enrique Iglesias, thus expressing solidarity with Latin American culture. All of them share equal interest in the Bong-Rock (Bhumi, Chondrobindu, Cactus, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple).
Later Years:
Bongs mature early. Critics have said that they grow old early, but that is nothing but old hat. Years of toil and Eliot would obviously bestow wisdom. The reason they look older is because the sole purpose of a Bong's life is to win the Nobel Prize or the Oscars (and in recent years, captain the Indian team). With great responsibility comes great age. Add to it the chlorine in the swimming pools and you know why Bongs grey prematurely. As far as their mission in life is concerned, they have been very successful at it. Every Indian Nobel Prize winner has been Bong. So have the Oscar Awardees. And most successful Cricket Captains. And Bipasha Basu.
Once Bongs have kids though, their mission on life changes. The only raision de'etre for them is making sure that their progeny achieves the heights that they could (or couldn't). Hence, they are mostly found outside of schools, colleges and tuition classes.
Diet:
Diet is as important as Robindro Shongeet. There's nothing that a Bong can't eat. However, they prefer protein over other food groups. The largest source of protein for them is fish, then meat, and then mishti (sweets) made from milk. More than fish itself, it is the knowledge of fish which is coveted and enjoyed. Carbohydrates are tolerated if they are fried in oil or if it is accompaniment to fish. Luchis (somewhat like a Puri), Telebhajas (pakoras) and Phuchkas (Paani Puri) are the favoured source of carbohydrates. The young Bengali though invariably always has Farex, Lactogen and Waterbury's Compound.
As far as they most important meal of the day is concerned, please do note that what dieticians have been saying in the last few years, Bongs have known for centuries. Breakphast/ tiphphin is an occasion where the entire family comes together, to watch the office-going Bong male and school-bound Bonglings eat. The Bong woman's biggest fear is that "Shokale bhaat dal mach bhaaja na kheye beriye gailo" or "In the morning, He went out without eating rice, dal and fish fry." To round off the calories, Dal is often accompanied by aaloo bhaate, aaloo bhaja, potol bhaaja and various other heartily fried stuff. Not for the faint-hearted.
Mating and procreation
A few Bong end up being in relationships, which lead to love marriage. This is sometimes shown in movies and song. However, most do not have any such social malignancy and end up marrying the woman of their mother's dreams or men of their father's choosing. This results in mixing the right genes for the next cycle of Bongs. Love marriage, by its very nature, is random. It sometimes results is tragedy, like marrying into another country (like India). Hence, it is avoided, wherever possible.
Social Life:
Adda, robindro shongeet and cha. Repeat. Do note that the young Bong doesn't have a social life (at least not till he wins the Nobel or gets a Government job).
And phootball. The Bongs have had an illustrious history of achievement in football. Every para (neighbourhood) has stories of when they won the World Cup at the expense of the next one. The last time it happened in my parent's para was in 1986, when Argentina won in Mexico. Diego Maradona, who looks Bhodrolok enough, give or take a few lines of coke, scored famously using his hand, a skill which he learnt in Kolkata. Over the last few years, Brazil has been gladdening the hearts of many Zicos who were born in Kolkata around 1982-86. The only team which is not Bong is Germany as they play with more efficiency and no creativity, which thus is not amenable to adda. Do not ask of a Bong doing anything on the phootball field as then the Bong will keep you occupied about Jakarta, 1962. "Chuni Goswami je Ball tule dilo PK ke. Match-er aagei bolechilo, "Ekta Ball debo. Daam kore maarish. Gol hobe"." Chuni Goswami put a football up for PK (Banerjee). He told him before the match itself, "I will give you one ball. Hit it with a bang. Goal will happen." Obviously, it is also the crowning moment of Indian phootball.
Habitat:
While you may find a Bong in other places (like occasionally in offices), the best time to observe a Bong is in his natural habitat - the best of colleges, the best of schools, the best of coffee houses. It is here that he will tell you about Balzac while she will recite poetry with gay abandon. To mix in with the Bong, apply Keo Karpin to your hair and carry a jhola. Hopefully, they won't notice your small head. Do not worry about not knowing the language as the Bong likes being heard.
Famous Bongs:
Many famous Bongs have been referred to in this extract. Hence, this section is used to debunk that big myth about Bongs. People believe that Bong men can't be hunky. If so, then what about Abhishek Bachchan (via mother), Saif Ali Khan (via mother), John Abraham (via girlfriend), Hritik Roshan (via grandmother) Bongs in Literature, Film, Art: Everywhere you care to look.
Closing Word:
Being Bong at the end of the day is a state of mind. Or, a case of being discovered by them. Best of luck.
References:
Find out about the adda here. Find out about why you should also use Keo Karpin here. Read the reason for the Monkey cap here (Scroll down a little). For Jadobpoor University, visit their website. It says that it is University with Potential for Excellence. Soon, to be turned into performance, I believe.
Find useful uses of protein here. Finally, find out about the kangaroo here and Mozart here.
Updates:
Big thanks to people who have suggested improvements. I wish this could be made into a wikipedia entry and people could add their thoughts without moderation. However, since this isn't (yet), I would like to add that I will keep on updating my entry.
First update: 'Letter sets in the Alphabet' is a phenomenon strictly dedicated to Bongs. Till now, two examples have been found - P and M. These sets stand for a few things a Bong can't do without (Phish, Phootball, Phestibal, Mangsho (meat), Mod (alcohol)) and a few things a Bong wishes he can't do without (***********). More details in comments.
Second update: Another way of identifying the young Bonglet is that he/ she will carry a water-bottle and an umbrella for the afternoon sun. This is similar to the Monkey Cap as it will be carried regardless of weather. I have mentioned in the comments that a Bongling's mother will wait outside schools with replacement water bottles and umbrellas. Except for during tests and exams, when the replacement water bottle is replaced with daaber jol (tender coconut water), which is to a Bongling what a Bhindi is to a Tam Brahm child.
Third update: I have been asked to write about phootball. Now, we can actually write many blogs on phootball. Hence, I decided to leave it out (other than a passing reference to Maradona). However, with popular demand, phootball is now featured within the social life section.
Fourth update: Two things have to be mentioned. 1) Rockbaji, which is confused with adda, but isn't. 2) Bisshojit, who is the father of Prosenjit, who slept with Aishwarya Rai and Raima Sen in Chokher Bali, in the hunks section. Bisshojit himself was the inspiration for such cinematic drama when he kissed a 15-year old slob called Bhanurekha way back in the 1960s. This was even before Bhanurekha turned Bong in Parineeta. Two things should be known about Bisshojit - firstly, he was quite a looker and second, he was always overshadowed by Uttom Kumar** (literaly Best Adolescent) as you can see in the photo attached. Bisshojit is wearing the white shirt and is not smiling.
"When we meet this character in the drawing room of the hero of the novel we find him opening his conversation with social and political topics, turning the pages of Shakespeare Gallery, discussing the characters of Desdemona and Juliet as well as the characters of Indian classical literature like Sakuntala, Sita, Kadambari, Vasavadatta, Rukmini and Satyabhama.
That, this and Bee's description of the Tambrahms forced me to write this. It has taken me over a month, and would be grateful if you let me know what I must have missed out.
Overview
There are two kinds of Bengalis that I know. Probashi or Expatriate Bangalees, a fairly large and diverse group about which I can't write as I am one of them. And Bengalees who are from Kolkata. This group is incorrectly known as Bongs, as they are merely a subset. However, this is the only group which matters. Gokhale told of them, long years back, "What Bengal thinks today, India thinks tomorrow." To which Rene Descartes responded, "I think (today), therefore I am (Bengali)." Like all other Nobel Prize Winners, Oscar Awardees and most successful Indian cricket captains, Rene Descartes was also a Bong (this fact is not known outside of Kolkata).
Physical Description
The Bong has a large head, glasses, glistening hair and dark skin. Older Bongs develop an ample stomach to balance their large heads. This happens by the age of 25. They smell of Keo Karpin. The average life expectancy is 65 years. What is even more impressive is what they do in those years. Outside Kolkata, regardless of weather, sex or age, Bongs can be seen in Monkey Caps. This is a must-have accessory as well as a sign to recognise other Bongs. (please see second update for more).
The Bongling can often be recognised in either over-sized or under-sized school uniforms. The Bong mother's second biggest fear (See diet for the biggest one) is that the "porer bochor o lomba hoye gele abar notun skirt kinte hobe!!" or "Next year, if you grow taller, we'll again have to buy a new skirt!!" Thus, the school uniform is selected to last at least three years. Thus the uniform sits as conspicuously on the Bongling as the plumage of a macaw.
Early Years
While most Bongs are born with innate talents in singing, dancing, painting, film-making, cooking or embroidery, their creative talents are honed even before they can start speaking. Frequent meets are organised between infants and their successful ancestors and other relatives. MA degrees (preferably from Cambridge, at least from Presidency or Jadobpoor) are displayed over the cots. The infant is exposed to the best of Bengali thought - Marx, Bentham, Kalidas, Tolstoy, Chekov*. This increases the sizes of their heads and the height of their ambitions. Similar examples, though rare, can be found in European tradition as well, like in the case of Mozart. In India, however, Bongs have the sole preserve on such activity during infancy.
Soon, when they grow up a little, their characters are honed in the best of schools. Here, I am not referring to the South Points, La Marts, Don Boscos and all. They are important in the nurture a Bong child goes through. What is even more important are the schools the Bong child passes through before school and after school. Many a Bong child wakes up at five o'clock in the morning to attend swimming classes. After one hour of swimming, he attends tennis coaching before rushing off to one of the South Points, La Marts etc. mentioned above. School finishes by two or so, from where he scoots along to Singing/ Instrumental Music/ Dance Classes, then tuition (for at least three of all five subjects). He rounds off the day with coaching on either Debating or Quiz. Many a Bong mother will carry the child along through this day, feeling equally energised. This behaviour is again not restricted to Bongs. It also seen within kangaroos in Australia who rush along from one clump to another bush.
Growing up
Soon the Bong attains adolescence, doesn't find friends of his age (since everyone is competing for the Nobel Prize or the Indian captaincy) and finds intimacy in conversation in his/her parents and poems of T.S. Eliot and Pablo Neruda.
When school ends, they move on to the good colleges- Presidency, Xavier's or IIT Kharagpur. The best of them, though, move straight to Joo (Jadobpoor). However, in recent years, Dilli (Stephen's obviously) is becoming the preferred destination for some escapists. In colleges, they decorate their rooms with books or portraits of Robi Guru (Tagore). On the opposite wall, men would have posters of Che/ Maradona and women would have Enrique Iglesias, thus expressing solidarity with Latin American culture. All of them share equal interest in the Bong-Rock (Bhumi, Chondrobindu, Cactus, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple).
Later Years:
Bongs mature early. Critics have said that they grow old early, but that is nothing but old hat. Years of toil and Eliot would obviously bestow wisdom. The reason they look older is because the sole purpose of a Bong's life is to win the Nobel Prize or the Oscars (and in recent years, captain the Indian team). With great responsibility comes great age. Add to it the chlorine in the swimming pools and you know why Bongs grey prematurely. As far as their mission in life is concerned, they have been very successful at it. Every Indian Nobel Prize winner has been Bong. So have the Oscar Awardees. And most successful Cricket Captains. And Bipasha Basu.
Once Bongs have kids though, their mission on life changes. The only raision de'etre for them is making sure that their progeny achieves the heights that they could (or couldn't). Hence, they are mostly found outside of schools, colleges and tuition classes.
Diet:
Diet is as important as Robindro Shongeet. There's nothing that a Bong can't eat. However, they prefer protein over other food groups. The largest source of protein for them is fish, then meat, and then mishti (sweets) made from milk. More than fish itself, it is the knowledge of fish which is coveted and enjoyed. Carbohydrates are tolerated if they are fried in oil or if it is accompaniment to fish. Luchis (somewhat like a Puri), Telebhajas (pakoras) and Phuchkas (Paani Puri) are the favoured source of carbohydrates. The young Bengali though invariably always has Farex, Lactogen and Waterbury's Compound.
As far as they most important meal of the day is concerned, please do note that what dieticians have been saying in the last few years, Bongs have known for centuries. Breakphast/ tiphphin is an occasion where the entire family comes together, to watch the office-going Bong male and school-bound Bonglings eat. The Bong woman's biggest fear is that "Shokale bhaat dal mach bhaaja na kheye beriye gailo" or "In the morning, He went out without eating rice, dal and fish fry." To round off the calories, Dal is often accompanied by aaloo bhaate, aaloo bhaja, potol bhaaja and various other heartily fried stuff. Not for the faint-hearted.
Mating and procreation
A few Bong end up being in relationships, which lead to love marriage. This is sometimes shown in movies and song. However, most do not have any such social malignancy and end up marrying the woman of their mother's dreams or men of their father's choosing. This results in mixing the right genes for the next cycle of Bongs. Love marriage, by its very nature, is random. It sometimes results is tragedy, like marrying into another country (like India). Hence, it is avoided, wherever possible.
Social Life:
Adda, robindro shongeet and cha. Repeat. Do note that the young Bong doesn't have a social life (at least not till he wins the Nobel or gets a Government job).
And phootball. The Bongs have had an illustrious history of achievement in football. Every para (neighbourhood) has stories of when they won the World Cup at the expense of the next one. The last time it happened in my parent's para was in 1986, when Argentina won in Mexico. Diego Maradona, who looks Bhodrolok enough, give or take a few lines of coke, scored famously using his hand, a skill which he learnt in Kolkata. Over the last few years, Brazil has been gladdening the hearts of many Zicos who were born in Kolkata around 1982-86. The only team which is not Bong is Germany as they play with more efficiency and no creativity, which thus is not amenable to adda. Do not ask of a Bong doing anything on the phootball field as then the Bong will keep you occupied about Jakarta, 1962. "Chuni Goswami je Ball tule dilo PK ke. Match-er aagei bolechilo, "Ekta Ball debo. Daam kore maarish. Gol hobe"." Chuni Goswami put a football up for PK (Banerjee). He told him before the match itself, "I will give you one ball. Hit it with a bang. Goal will happen." Obviously, it is also the crowning moment of Indian phootball.
Habitat:
While you may find a Bong in other places (like occasionally in offices), the best time to observe a Bong is in his natural habitat - the best of colleges, the best of schools, the best of coffee houses. It is here that he will tell you about Balzac while she will recite poetry with gay abandon. To mix in with the Bong, apply Keo Karpin to your hair and carry a jhola. Hopefully, they won't notice your small head. Do not worry about not knowing the language as the Bong likes being heard.
Famous Bongs:
Many famous Bongs have been referred to in this extract. Hence, this section is used to debunk that big myth about Bongs. People believe that Bong men can't be hunky. If so, then what about Abhishek Bachchan (via mother), Saif Ali Khan (via mother), John Abraham (via girlfriend), Hritik Roshan (via grandmother) Bongs in Literature, Film, Art: Everywhere you care to look.
Closing Word:
Being Bong at the end of the day is a state of mind. Or, a case of being discovered by them. Best of luck.
References:
Find out about the adda here. Find out about why you should also use Keo Karpin here. Read the reason for the Monkey cap here (Scroll down a little). For Jadobpoor University, visit their website. It says that it is University with Potential for Excellence. Soon, to be turned into performance, I believe.
Find useful uses of protein here. Finally, find out about the kangaroo here and Mozart here.
Updates:
Big thanks to people who have suggested improvements. I wish this could be made into a wikipedia entry and people could add their thoughts without moderation. However, since this isn't (yet), I would like to add that I will keep on updating my entry.
First update: 'Letter sets in the Alphabet' is a phenomenon strictly dedicated to Bongs. Till now, two examples have been found - P and M. These sets stand for a few things a Bong can't do without (Phish, Phootball, Phestibal, Mangsho (meat), Mod (alcohol)) and a few things a Bong wishes he can't do without (***********). More details in comments.
Second update: Another way of identifying the young Bonglet is that he/ she will carry a water-bottle and an umbrella for the afternoon sun. This is similar to the Monkey Cap as it will be carried regardless of weather. I have mentioned in the comments that a Bongling's mother will wait outside schools with replacement water bottles and umbrellas. Except for during tests and exams, when the replacement water bottle is replaced with daaber jol (tender coconut water), which is to a Bongling what a Bhindi is to a Tam Brahm child.
Third update: I have been asked to write about phootball. Now, we can actually write many blogs on phootball. Hence, I decided to leave it out (other than a passing reference to Maradona). However, with popular demand, phootball is now featured within the social life section.
Fourth update: Two things have to be mentioned. 1) Rockbaji, which is confused with adda, but isn't. 2) Bisshojit, who is the father of Prosenjit, who slept with Aishwarya Rai and Raima Sen in Chokher Bali, in the hunks section. Bisshojit himself was the inspiration for such cinematic drama when he kissed a 15-year old slob called Bhanurekha way back in the 1960s. This was even before Bhanurekha turned Bong in Parineeta. Two things should be known about Bisshojit - firstly, he was quite a looker and second, he was always overshadowed by Uttom Kumar** (literaly Best Adolescent) as you can see in the photo attached. Bisshojit is wearing the white shirt and is not smiling.
"When we meet this character in the drawing room of the hero of the novel we find him opening his conversation with social and political topics, turning the pages of Shakespeare Gallery, discussing the characters of Desdemona and Juliet as well as the characters of Indian classical literature like Sakuntala, Sita, Kadambari, Vasavadatta, Rukmini and Satyabhama.
Poetry - Ballad - Angel on Highway 109
A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
And blood was everywhere,
The sirens screamed out eulogies,
For death was in the air.
A mother, trapped inside her car,
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
Oh, God, please spare my boys!
She fought to loose her pinned hands;
She struggled to get free,
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
On where the back seat once had been,
On where the back seat once had been,
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
She did not hear them cry,
And then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
Oh, God, don't let them die!
Then firemen came and cut her loose,
But when they searched the back,
They found therein no little boys,
But the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
And was traveling alone,
But when they turned to question her,
They discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
In beseeching supplication,
Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
Their jeans are blue to match.
One cop spoke up, They're in my car,
And they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
And gave them each a cone,
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.
I've searched the area high and low,
But I can't find their dad.
He must have fled the scene,
I guess, and that is very bad.
The mother hugged the twins and said,
While wiping at a tear,
He could not flee the scene, you see,
For he's been dead a year.
The cop just looked confused and asked,
Now, how can that be true?
The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came
And left a kiss for you.
He told us not to worry
And that you would be all right,
And then he put us in this car with
The pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us,
Because we miss him so,
But Mommy, he just hugged us tight
And said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
And told us not to fuss,
And he said to tell you, Mommy,
He's watching over us.
The mother knew without a doubt
That what they spoke was true,
For she recalled their dad's last words,
I will watch over you.
The firemen's notes could not explain
The twisted, mangled car,
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.
But on the cop's report was scribed,
In print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight on
Highway 109.
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